HAVING AGENCY
Self-work series: S. Palmer 2026
Having agency means you experience yourself as an active participant in your life, rather than someone whose life simply happens to them. It is the sense that you have choice, influence, and responsibility in how you think, feel, and act.
Here is what agency often looks like in a person:
Self-Awareness
- Recognises their thoughts, emotions, and patterns
- Notices triggers without immediately blaming others
- Understands how past experiences influence present reactions
Ownership and Responsibility
- Takes responsibility for choices and behaviour
- Avoids constant victim narratives
- Says, “This is how I responded,” rather than only, “This is what they did”
Intentional Decision-Making Goals
- Makes choices aligned with personal values
- Pauses before reacting impulsively
- Considers consequences rather than acting purely from emotion
Healthy Boundaries
- Can say no without excessive guilt
- Communicates needs clearly
- Does not abandon self to keep others comfortable
Emotional Regulation
- Can tolerate discomfort without collapsing or exploding
- Uses tools to stay within their window of tolerance
- Does not allow emotions to completely dictate behaviour
Future Orientation Without Panic
- Plans realistically without trying to control everything
- Accepts uncertainty while still taking constructive steps
Internal Locus of Control
- Believes their actions matter
- Focuses on what is within their control
- Does not rely solely on validation from others to feel secure
In simple terms, agency looks like this: You may not control what happens to you, but you take responsibility for how you choose to respond.
Taken together, these areas reflect what it means to live with a growing sense of agency. As self-awareness deepens, and individuals begin to take ownership of their thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, they become better able to make intentional decisions, set healthy boundaries, and regulate themselves in the face of difficulty. This supports a shift towards a more stable and balanced way of living, where individuals are less driven by past patterns or external pressures. Instead, they develop a stronger internal foundation, enabling them to navigate life with greater clarity, confidence, and direction, while accepting uncertainty without becoming overwhelmed.
Working with Clients and Agency
In my work with clients, developing a sense of agency is one of the key elements within the self-work model that I have created, alongside self-awareness and psychoeducation. It forms an important foundation for personal growth, emotional stability, and long-term change. Clients are gently supported to move away from feeling powerless or stuck, and towards recognising their ability to make choices, respond differently, and take ownership of their lives. This is not about blame, but about empowerment.
As clients begin to strengthen their agency, they often experience:
- increased confidence in decision-making
- clearer boundaries in relationships
- improved emotional regulation
- a stronger sense of identity, self-worth, and inner confidence
Over time, this shift helps clients to move from simply reacting to life, to actively shaping it in a way that aligns with their values, bringing a clearer sense of direction and wellbeing. Ultimately, agency supports clients in becoming more grounded, more self-aware, and more able to navigate life with intention rather than overwhelm.
Self-work series: S. Palmer 2026